Not as good as we think we are
There is this concept called 'illusory superiority' which, in non-wanker language, basically means that most of us tend to overestimate our positive qualities and capabilities.
We think we’re generous, we think we care about others, we think we always help people less fortunate than us, and if Mother Theresa was on Facebook, she would be our friend. But often, the reality is slightly less flattering.
The so-called ‘above average effect’ (which immediately rules out Channel 9’s Married At First Sight) is a good basis to test your reaction to a scenario which unfolded recently on a suburban bus in Melbourne.
The saga – captured on a phone by a passenger and uploaded to social media here – started when a French-speaking woman, travelling with a group of friends, began singing in her native tongue.
“They were French popular, joyful songs, not coarse at all,” the woman later told Fairfax Media.
Indeed, my memory of little ditties like Alouette and Frère Jacques (or whatever
French school children are singing these days) are not really on the offensive spectrum. But they certainly provoked a staggering response from some commuters on that Melbourne bus.
The video of the incident shows a man talking on a phone while shouting obscenities at the woman. Another man, with young family in-tow, also rains down a string of expletives on the woman as he leaves the bus.
The woman was called a "bitch", "c...", "fat and ugly", and told to "speak English or die, motherf...er". The incident ends with one of the passengers getting off the bus and smashing a window near the woman's seat.
Many commuters sat in silence as it all unfolded; impassive to the racial tirade, and unwilling or, possibly, too scared to confront the agitators.
And while the bile and venom which spewed from the abusers was apalling, I did find myself asking what I would have done in the circumstances. Would I live up to my 'illusory superior' status and confront the people who taunted a woman as a "black dog" and threatened to cut off her breasts?
For most people, the answer is a no-brainer. Of course, you would want call racism for what it is. But, sadly, the reality might be different.
When I first wrote this piece, if I was being honest, I might well have done nothing in the face of this hostile confrontation...and then felt shamefully spineless afterwards.
Confrontation for most of us is about as alluring as a fart in a lift. And when it is happening between other people, we just wish we could be somewhere, anywhere, else.
So, when other people get involved in a public spat, our initial response is usually: doesn't involve me, it's none of my business, it's not my problem.
This is partly explained as "the culture of social isolation in public places" by Yale University researcher, Esther Kim. She conducted a study by travelling thousands of kilometres across the US to observe the behaviour of commuters and the lengths they will go to avoid contact with others on public transport.
"We engage in all sorts of behaviour to avoid others, pretending to be busy, checking phones, rummaging through bags, looking past people or falling asleep," Kim told Science Daily.
"Sometimes we even don a 'don't bother me face' known as the 'hate stare'."
“One commuter told me the objective is just ‘getting through the ride’, and that I should avoid fat people who may sweat more and so may be more likely to smell,” Kim said.
"Motivating this non-social behaviour is the fact that one's own comfort level is the commuter's key concern, rather than the background of fellow passengers."
The suggestion is that when an incident happens like the one on the Melbourne bus, all we want is just to be anonymous in a public space.
Some might argue that intervening on behalf of the woman on the crowded bus might have made matters worse or even jeopardised your own safety...although neither are likely to relieve your conscience for not doing anything.
Many people criticised commuter Mike Nayna for taking the time to record the incident on his phone instead of trying to stop the abuse.
Mr Nayna, who has brown skin, said that at one point he asked the men to calm down, but he copped a spray about how black people should sit at the back of the bus.
In any event, his actions in posting the video on You Tube might well have achieved a more useful outcome. The video has been viewed more than 400,000 times and was also shown by mainstream media to even larger audiences.
The viral nature of social media helped shine a light on dark corner of our society. The agitators have been shamed in a very public way, and their abuse, initially witnessed by just a couple of dozen commuters, is on show for everyone to see. Forever.
Mr Nayna told Fairfax Media: "I don't care about these people. I feel like they can reap what they sow. What I'd prefer to do is...show how embarrassing it is and get people talking that maybe racism is a problem."
Of course, Australia is not the lone ranger, here. Racism happens everywhere. But other incidents - reported here, here, here and here - have been more cause for embarrassment and disgust. The vilifying of AFL player Adam Goodes was another one for the shame file.
The fact all of these incidents became international news stories has just reinforced a perception - even if it is a broad generalisation - of Australia and Australians.
Perhaps that is a good thing. A little global shaming might just make people stop and think about how their bigotry from a bygone era doesn't belong in what should be more enlightened times.
And at least now I find myself growing a spine. I don't want to be one of those bystanders who awkwardly looks away while someone is abused, simply because of the colour of their skin.
To quote 2016 Australian of the Year, Lieutenant General David Morrison: "The standard you walk past is the standard you accept".
What about you? How do you rate yourself now on the 'illusory superiority' scale?
Photo: Fairfax Media
Photo: YouTube, Checkpoint Comedy
Photo: YouTube, Checkpoint Comedy